no...

it's sad coz christmas has been the only holiday which makes me feel so excited...
and now what...??

i just had this huge fight with my mom...
i mean... for me its a big fight.. but for her.. its an even bigger one...or shall i say.. she made things worse...

earlier tonight, a very close friend of mine.. who happens to be my "kababata" [childhood firend].. who also happens to be my neighbor dropped by to make chika² with me. Coz we haven't talked in quite a while already...
and then as we talked she suddenly mentioned about something about me which was very personal and in which i haven't told anyone about except for my sister and my mom... and mind you.. i really wanted that to be kept between us, i wouldnt even think of it as a good subject for chika²...
so anywayz... i was still in a state of shock but i composed myself... i could only think of one thing on how my friend learned about the matter... through my mom...

i was so mad coz i never thought my mom would talk about it to other people without me knowing it. i was so hurt as well coz i even hesitated to tell her bout it but she was forcing the issue and so i did tell her even though i wasnt quite sure how she would react about it... but thinking that she was my mom, so i could probably trust her.

and then my mom arrived home... i was having second thoughts on opening up the issue... bcoz of the fact that i promised myself that i would never ever talk about it again... but this??? i couldnt let this pass...
and so... i went and asked her about it...
and much to my surprise... she reacted like some kind of a lion...she had this big round eyes that she always has when she's really.. i mean really mad... if you could just see her.. urggghh... and she was like shouting at my face... denying that she hadnt said anything...
she was so defensive that i knew she was guilty...

Honestly... i just asked her politely...
i asked her in a very calm way, and it was the way she answered and reacted that made me really burst out my anger...and then i too hadnt controlled my emotions and had raised my tone in speaking with her... i tried to throw at her face what she had done... but still she kept on denying it...
she even passed the blame on me... she goes on telling me, " maybe youre the one who told her about it!"
bullshit!! why would i do such a thing...

and then when we both calmed down a bit... she started this sermon about how good of a mother she is, to always give us everything we needed.... and doing all she could to be a great other and all she gets in return from us is disrespect... what's so disrespectful about that...??????

if anyone's been so disrespectful tonight it would be her!!! i trusted her that she wouldn go talking about what i shared to her. now i think my friends are better people to talk to... at least they could keep a secret way better than my mom...
ive always regarded my mom as different... in a good way... she's always been so cool about stuff... thats why i trust her when it comes to my secrets... i can really say that she's different because i could actually talk about anything .. even the things that other kids dont tell to their parents...

but then tonight... she has proven me wrong ... she's practically the same..


this must be the worst christmas ive ever had... and perhaps the new year too...
i hate it!!! and it sucks!!!

Me with Champ at Yo Latino after their concert..

Me with Kuyah Roll at Yo Latino after their concert...

Me with Kuyah Ace the drummer of orange and lemons on my left and Kuya JM the bassist of orange and lemons on my right... by the way theyre brothers...

Whew...

You wouldn’t believe me If I told you about what actually happened last Saturday...[that would be aug.20, 2005.. the best day of my life..]

Umm... Ill start my story telling with my first encounter with this band...

Well here's what happened...

 

I am a huge fan of hale... I fell in love with their music... When they first launched their album here In Cebu...last July 2, 2005

I went to their launching out of curiosity... Although I loved their song broken sonnet already...

I was with a friend of mine... we both wanted to go there ... so with our cds...

We dashed to the mall where hale was to have their launching...

It was pretty funny coz I just bought their cd on that same day... Coz I knew I couldn’t get close to the band if I don’t have a cd...

So... I’ve never heard any of their other songs except for “broken sonnet” and “the day you said goodnight”...

But when they started playing... man!!! I’ve never seen the Cebuano crowd react like that to a "newbie" band... everyone listened closely to their songs…

As they say... The Cebuano crowd is so hard to please…

But at that moment I knew I wasn’t the only one who fell in love with their music...

After they played 5 of their songs... there was an autograph signing...

And gosh!!! I was so nervous... I mean It was the first time I would ever ask for an autograph... hehe...[coz I used to think it was cheap and all...but now I understand... and now I admit that I’m a fanatic to this band...]

When it was my turn... damn!! I cannot explain how I felt...

I felt like I was on top of the world!! hehe...

And I later found out that what I felt was actually being star struck...

They were actually very accommodating... smiling and all...

Although I know they were so tired of signing those cds... but they never showed it to the people that they’re getting bored...

And so... when I gave my cd to champ [who happens to be the vocalist of hale] he was so smiling... and he even said "ang daming nagmamahal sa atin dito sa Cebu" and I just kind of like smiled at him... I couldn’t really talk... I just took their pictures...

And then he even reached out his hand to me... so of course I shook his hand!!! haha!! I was really shaking... good thing my hand wasn’t sweaty and all... coz that would really disgust him... hehe…

And....here’s the best part... when I waved goodbye... Champ even gave me a kiss on the cheek.. Or shall I say he let me give him a kiss on the cheek...

woah!!! haha!!! I could never forget about that!!! I later found out that... whenever anyone says goodbye to champ... he really gives them a goodbye kiss...

Weeeeeeeeee!! Good thing I was polite enough to say goodbye to him!! Hehe....

 

Well that was the first time I saw the band... and I was really lucky to get really close to them...

 

And since then... I was devoted to this band... that I always looked out for updates about their gigs...

And then I learned that they were coming to Cebu!!! Again!!!

They were gonna have a concert together with orange and lemons...but of course HALE was the main act...

 

And so a week before that... I asked my friends to go with me... And luckily I had two friends who shared the same passion...

Haha!! We were all so excited... and all we could talk about was their upcoming concert...

And then the day before the concert... believe me ... But I wasn’t able to sleep... haha!!!

All because... I was so excited...

 

So here it is...

The day of their concert...

On that same day... they were to play at a local variety show here in Cebu which Is Sabado Na Gyud, which is aired In abs-cbn...

They were gonna perform and promote their album...

And of course since I couldn’t sleep...

I went there a bit too early...

They were to perform at Ayala activity center...

And much to my surprise... when I arrived there...

The mall was still closed... haha!!!

So I decided to drink coffee... since it was still 8:30 in the morning and the mall was to open at 10:30...

So there... when I finished my coffee... I was already excited... and luckily I found two friends of mine… Who were waiting for the mall to open coz they’re gonna watch hale too...

So we waited for the doors to open...

And finally... The mall was officially open...

We rushed to grab the nearest seats to the stage... haha!!! Say 1st row...

Haha!!! We were so happy to have the best seats in the house...

And at the same time we were scared because our faces are surely gonna be seen on TV!!! What an embarrassment...

But we didn’t care when the show started...

And then there they played...!!! Wajaja!! They were so close to us... that we could actually grab them... hehe...

 

When they were about to go to basement parking lot... we even got there first... haha!!! We waited for them on the exit... and yes... We saw them...

[Talk about stalking...]

 

So... when they were finally out of sight...we ate our lunch... and we saw their poster at McDonalds!!! Haha...

Everywhere we went we always see there faces... They were on the walls... and stuff...

 

At around 2:00 ... I decided to go to the venue that they’re gonna be having a concert...

Coz my best friend was having a fashion show practice outside Mandaue city sports complex...which was the concert's venue...

It was pretty funny coz I was the first haler who was there... my best friend just laughed at me... hehe...

I was so early to think that it was still 2:00 and the gates open @ 6 and the concert starts at 9... talk about an early bird...

Damn I was so excited... I was waiting for three of my friends outside the venue... I waited there for like 4 hours or so...

Coz the gates didn’t actually open at exactly 6...

But It was still ok... nothing could ever get in my way... haha!!

The concert started around 10:00... a band named Pandora which was from Cebu was the front act...

Followed by orange and lemons... which is also a really great band!!! With their beatlesque style...

And then of course hale... me and my friends couldn’t explain how we felt when they started playing...

We just sang along with them since we’ve memorized all the songs in their album...

 

And then the concert came to an end...

My friends went home... and as for me... I was still gonna meet up with my friends…

I went to the village... to drink and share my experience...

We danced a little...

And then we decided to drink some more...

So we got out of the disco and moved to a drinking bar... which is still in the vicinity of the village...

[The village by the way is like a village of drinking disco bars]

We went to Yo Latino...

As I waited for my drink...

My friend who was ordering our drinks inside... came out running and hysterically told me that champ was inside...

I was so confused... I asked her "what??" and she just said... "Champ as in hale is inside" ...

And I was all like... oh my god!!! Am I just so lucky tonight or what???

Then I took a glimpse inside and I saw them … with orange and lemons…

So I went back outside....

The funny part was... the table next to us was empty...

Kuyah Roll, which plays lead guitars in the band hale… Went outside and took a seat on the next table...

We were like staring at him... And he just smiled...

My friend was pushing me to like take my picture with him...

And he was kind enough to say yes...

And then!!!!!!!!!! I saw champ!!! Bwahaha!!!! He took his seat next to kuyah roll… Which means he was so close to us...

Close to me specifically... and he was facing us...

All our jaws dropped...

But the first thing that came to my mind was that I remembered champ saying in a magazine that he doesn’t like girls that smoke or drink...

So I immediately hid my drink under the table... and kuyah roll saw me... And he just laughed...

After I hid my drink...

My friend did the same thing... wajaja!!!

Kuyah roll surely had a laugh trip...

I dunno if kuyah champ saw that...

Haha...

and of course i let my friend take our picture....
And also...

i have a picture with the del mundo bros. from orange and lemons...

Weeee... I would never forget that experience…

And I wish I’d have the same experience when they come back here in Cebu…

 

HAIL TO HALE!!!!

When I was in the early years of my high school life, I never imagined myself as a nurse…yes, I wanted to be a doctor but its different from being a nurse. And at that time, my mom was encouraging me to take up nursing in college. I didn’t like it at all. But then as the years passed by, especially during my 3^rd yr in hs, I decided to take up nursing. One reason was that, it would really make my mom happy. 2^nd, I would have more job opportunities here and abroad. And a chance to earn some dollars. But then now, I realized that none of these were the true reasons why I decided to take up nursing. The real reason was that I didn’t know what to do with my life. I don’t know what course I should take. So I let other people decide for me. Now im admitting it. Yes, im one of those who have a lot of dreams but doesn’t know what to do and where to start in order for me to achieve those dreams.

When I reached my senior year in high school, I made up my mind that im gonna be taking up nursing and I was gonna study at Cebu Doctors’ University. I took entrance exams from 3 schools, USJ-R which is where I had my high school education, USC which is my dream school, and of course CDU where im currently studying right now. Fortunately, I passed in all 3 schools but my mom and me decided to enroll at CDU because as they say it’s the no.1 nursing school here in the Visayas and no.7 in the whole Philippines.

As days came closer for me to start my college life, I felt like backing out because I didn’t know what’s ahead of me. Most of the students there are rich kids. The socialites. Kids from the prominent families. And im not one of them. I don’t know if I could ever gain friends there. True friends that is.

During my first day of regular classes, it felt as if it was the worst day of my life. I hate my school; I hate the people there. I hate their rules. I hate the teachers, I hate the place and most of all I hate myself for making such a stupid decision. I’ve never been to a school, which sucked, big time! The place is so small. They don’t even have a “real” canteen. Everything is overpriced. Including our tuition. The classrooms are so small. Although they’re all fully air-conditioned and well ventilated. Their gym sucks. It’s the worst gym I’ve ever seen and have ever been to in my entire life. And not to mention, the smallest one too. And did I mention about the students??? They’re all the same. Social climbers. Yeah most of them are rich but what do I care?? Were all paying the same amount of money here. You don’t have to act like you’re the richest student there.

And before I forget, the teachers are just like the students. Except for a few, the dean of CDCN and Mr. Duja. These are the only people I know which treats everyone fairly. They discipline the students regardless of their social status. Especially Mr. Duja who is known to be the “Adolf Hitler” in cdu when it comes to discipline. Yes im under him in my CWTS class. And yes, he is so uptight. But then I really look up to him because he doesn’t want the students to act the way they act when they’re at home. He even told us that: “ if you’re rich at home, well don’t bring it here in school. Leave your wealth at home.”

The reason why im blabbing about this crap is because im so mad at myself for making such a decision. It’s just so wrong! Every time I think about it, I feel like jumping off a bridge. But then I cant do that. It would just show how coward I am. I couldn’t even accept the consequences of my decisions. This just goes to show that im a weal person. I thought I was strong enough to run my own life and no one could ever dictate me. And that I would run my own life the way I want it to be. And now there’s no way out. No turning back. I have to live up to the expectations of my family especially my mom. Which is expecting so much from me.

If I were to choose, I would transfer to USC… but still take up nursing if that’s what they want. That’s all im asking. I cant take the people there at CDU... they’re all killing me. The longer I stay there the more bad side of cdu is gonna be shown to me.., which would make me hate it even more. Ive tried asking my mom last night, and I got the answer, which I was expecting. It’s just that it’s so different at USC. The people there may not be perfect, rich... but they’re perfect the way they are. People have the freedom to be who they want to be. While cdu there are a lot of limitation. Lots of rules. There’s freedom in that school.

But I guess im gonna be stuck here for the rest of my college life. And it scares me so much. Right now my mom is in front of me and she thinks im just writing an English essay. She’s talking to me about what I asked her last night. And she said it would be so stupid. And that it would be the worst decision I would ever make. And that im already stable there at CDU. What she doesn’t know is that its impossible for me to make the worst decision when im already facing the worst. What’s more worse than the worst? I just wanna burst out right now! She just doesn’t understand. She will never understand, because she’s never been in my shoes.

Just like what my psychology teacher said, “college education is not just about preparing for your career, but most importantly its about self-actualization. Its about finding yourself.” I don’t think ill never find myself if ill be in this school…  I never thought id be in this kind of situation. I thought no one can ever run my life for me.  But then I was wrong. Im not running my own life. Neither is my mom… no one is. I don’t know what’s gonna happen. And it’s my entire fault…