When I was in the early years of my high school life, I never imagined myself as a nurse…yes, I wanted to be a doctor but its different from being a nurse. And at that time, my mom was encouraging me to take up nursing in college. I didn’t like it at all. But then as the years passed by, especially during my 3rd yr in hs, I decided to take up nursing. One reason was that, it would really make my mom happy. 2nd, I would have more job opportunities here and abroad. And a chance to earn some dollars. But then now, I realized that none of these were the true reasons why I decided to take up nursing. The real reason was that I didn’t know what to do with my life. I don’t know what course I should take. So I let other people decide for me. Now im admitting it. Yes, im one of those who have a lot of dreams but doesn’t know what to do and where to start in order for me to achieve those dreams.
When I reached my senior year in high school, I made up my mind that im gonna be taking up nursing and I was gonna study at Cebu Doctors’ University. I took entrance exams from 3 schools, USJ-R which is where I had my high school education, USC which is my dream school, and of course CDU where im currently studying right now. Fortunately, I passed in all 3 schools but my mom and me decided to enroll at CDU because as they say it’s the no.1 nursing school here in the Visayas and no.7 in the whole Philippines.
As days came closer for me to start my college life, I felt like backing out because I didn’t know what’s ahead of me. Most of the students there are rich kids. The socialites. Kids from the prominent families. And im not one of them. I don’t know if I could ever gain friends there. True friends that is.
During my first day of regular classes, it felt as if it was the worst day of my life. I hate my school; I hate the people there. I hate their rules. I hate the teachers, I hate the place and most of all I hate myself for making such a stupid decision. I’ve never been to a school, which sucked, big time! The place is so small. They don’t even have a “real” canteen. Everything is overpriced. Including our tuition. The classrooms are so small. Although they’re all fully air-conditioned and well ventilated. Their gym sucks. It’s the worst gym I’ve ever seen and have ever been to in my entire life. And not to mention, the smallest one too. And did I mention about the students??? They’re all the same. Social climbers. Yeah most of them are rich but what do I care?? Were all paying the same amount of money here. You don’t have to act like you’re the richest student there.
And before I forget, the teachers are just like the students. Except for a few, the dean of CDCN and Mr. Duja. These are the only people I know which treats everyone fairly. They discipline the students regardless of their social status. Especially Mr. Duja who is known to be the “Adolf Hitler” in cdu when it comes to discipline. Yes im under him in my CWTS class. And yes, he is so uptight. But then I really look up to him because he doesn’t want the students to act the way they act when they’re at home. He even told us that: “ if you’re rich at home, well don’t bring it here in school. Leave your wealth at home.”
The reason why im blabbing about this crap is because im so mad at myself for making such a decision. It’s just so wrong! Every time I think about it, I feel like jumping off a bridge. But then I cant do that. It would just show how coward I am. I couldn’t even accept the consequences of my decisions. This just goes to show that im a weal person. I thought I was strong enough to run my own life and no one could ever dictate me. And that I would run my own life the way I want it to be. And now there’s no way out. No turning back. I have to live up to the expectations of my family especially my mom. Which is expecting so much from me.
If I were to choose, I would transfer to USC… but still take up nursing if that’s what they want. That’s all im asking. I cant take the people there at CDU... they’re all killing me. The longer I stay there the more bad side of cdu is gonna be shown to me.., which would make me hate it even more. Ive tried asking my mom last night, and I got the answer, which I was expecting. It’s just that it’s so different at USC. The people there may not be perfect, rich... but they’re perfect the way they are. People have the freedom to be who they want to be. While cdu there are a lot of limitation. Lots of rules. There’s freedom in that school.
But I guess im gonna be stuck here for the rest of my college life. And it scares me so much. Right now my mom is in front of me and she thinks im just writing an English essay. She’s talking to me about what I asked her last night. And she said it would be so stupid. And that it would be the worst decision I would ever make. And that im already stable there at CDU. What she doesn’t know is that its impossible for me to make the worst decision when im already facing the worst. What’s more worse than the worst? I just wanna burst out right now! She just doesn’t understand. She will never understand, because she’s never been in my shoes.
Just like what my psychology teacher said, “college education is not just about preparing for your career, but most importantly its about self-actualization. Its about finding yourself.” I don’t think ill never find myself if ill be in this school… I never thought id be in this kind of situation. I thought no one can ever run my life for me. But then I was wrong. Im not running my own life. Neither is my mom… no one is. I don’t know what’s gonna happen. And it’s my entire fault…
