no...

it's sad coz christmas has been the only holiday which makes me feel so excited...
and now what...??

i just had this huge fight with my mom...
i mean... for me its a big fight.. but for her.. its an even bigger one...or shall i say.. she made things worse...

earlier tonight, a very close friend of mine.. who happens to be my "kababata" [childhood firend].. who also happens to be my neighbor dropped by to make chikaČ with me. Coz we haven't talked in quite a while already...
and then as we talked she suddenly mentioned about something about me which was very personal and in which i haven't told anyone about except for my sister and my mom... and mind you.. i really wanted that to be kept between us, i wouldnt even think of it as a good subject for chikaČ...
so anywayz... i was still in a state of shock but i composed myself... i could only think of one thing on how my friend learned about the matter... through my mom...

i was so mad coz i never thought my mom would talk about it to other people without me knowing it. i was so hurt as well coz i even hesitated to tell her bout it but she was forcing the issue and so i did tell her even though i wasnt quite sure how she would react about it... but thinking that she was my mom, so i could probably trust her.

and then my mom arrived home... i was having second thoughts on opening up the issue... bcoz of the fact that i promised myself that i would never ever talk about it again... but this??? i couldnt let this pass...
and so... i went and asked her about it...
and much to my surprise... she reacted like some kind of a lion...she had this big round eyes that she always has when she's really.. i mean really mad... if you could just see her.. urggghh... and she was like shouting at my face... denying that she hadnt said anything...
she was so defensive that i knew she was guilty...

Honestly... i just asked her politely...
i asked her in a very calm way, and it was the way she answered and reacted that made me really burst out my anger...and then i too hadnt controlled my emotions and had raised my tone in speaking with her... i tried to throw at her face what she had done... but still she kept on denying it...
she even passed the blame on me... she goes on telling me, " maybe youre the one who told her about it!"
bullshit!! why would i do such a thing...

and then when we both calmed down a bit... she started this sermon about how good of a mother she is, to always give us everything we needed.... and doing all she could to be a great other and all she gets in return from us is disrespect... what's so disrespectful about that...??????

if anyone's been so disrespectful tonight it would be her!!! i trusted her that she wouldn go talking about what i shared to her. now i think my friends are better people to talk to... at least they could keep a secret way better than my mom...
ive always regarded my mom as different... in a good way... she's always been so cool about stuff... thats why i trust her when it comes to my secrets... i can really say that she's different because i could actually talk about anything .. even the things that other kids dont tell to their parents...

but then tonight... she has proven me wrong ... she's practically the same..


this must be the worst christmas ive ever had... and perhaps the new year too...
i hate it!!! and it sucks!!!